Yahoo Rumor #7,349, Septuagenarians, and Steve Ballmer

Yahoo has been pounded by rumors ever since the Microsoft deal fell apart. There was the rumor that Microsoft would return. Or the one that it wouldn’t return. Or that it had returned. Or the rumor that shareholders are suing. Or not. Or that a new board is being floated for Thursday’s deadline. Maybe.

And today’s Yahoo rumor: Carl Icahn, bored fellow that he is, is set to start a proxy contest for the company. While that’s possible, and Icahn demonstrated an appetite for this sort of thing in tech land with messy Motorola, I pity the poor bastard if/when he starts messing with Jerry "lower case" Yang. It will be a collision between a septuagenarian force and a passive-aggressive object, and it will be so numbingly slow and litigious.

I’d like to propose that we all begin creating our own new Yahoo rumors. Choose from any or all of the following items, and Build Your Own Today:

Yahoo …

____ is behind the Iran oil production cuts.

____ is driving up Baltic tanker prices in an effort to delay iPhone 2.0 shipments.

____ is using the subprime problem to mess with Google’s CPCs.

____ has pictures of Steve Ballmer naked and sporting a strategically-placed Apple Macbook Pro.

You know, that sort of thing.