Life is Bad for Your Health

All this discussion about New York banning cell phones and iPods from crosswalks is overdue. I hate when those damn things are lying in crosswalks; while they make a satisfying crunching sound, it’s hard on low-profile tires.

So, why stop there? Let’s just get on with it and ban conversation in crosswalks. I know I get fairly heated sometimes talking to people, and I’m sure that makes me more prone to walking into a speeding cab.

And while we’re at it, let’s ban kids from cars. Mine argue all the time about who owns which side of the car, so who gets to claim any nearby Caterpillar front-end loaders we pass by as being on their side. Settling those discussions while driving 60 mph is a huge cognitive load for me. Very risky.


  1. And I thought ‘health and safety-itis’ was a British malaise… Children have been asked to wear goggles to play conkers and pronouncements are being made to change the game of rugby since it may hurt some of those enormous men who play it.
    One day we will all want to conduct our lives from our beds. After all getting out of bed carries greater risk than anything else we may do after that?

  2. franklin stubbs says:

    Someone should track and correlate all this stuff for a ‘coddled civilization’ index.
    Probably good fodder for Joseph Tainter’s “Collapse of Complex Societies” theory… great book btw.

  3. Why do people keep trying to prevent natural selection at work?

  4. franklin stubbs says:

    If you think things are bad now, just imagine how risk-averse people will be when the average life span is 150…
    Then again, maybe folks will chill out a little when sight and hearing and limb replacements all become routine.

  5. I think P.J. O’Rourke called them the “Safety Nazis.”

  6. Why ban? I would be busy awarding them a posthumous Gold Medal of Darwin for their Achievements in Improving the Species!

  7. Well, until we can sucessfully clone the Saber-Tooth Tiger and reintroduce the species into urban spaces, we will have to depend on the automobile for natural selection.