The Outsourced Hedge Fund Parent

A truly mind-boggling job posting for an assistant to a hedge fund manager in Connecticut. He/she apparently wants to outsource the whole parenting thing:

A managing partner of a rapidly expanding $4 billion hedge fund (a multi-strategy credit opportunity fund that specializes in credit analysis and credit-related investments) located in Southern Fairfield County, CT is seeking an extremely organized, time efficient Personal Assistant/Executive Assistant who can take charge of the day-to-day functioning of the family and home office.

In addition to thriving in a business setting, the Personal Assistant must also enjoy working with children. You would work in the hedge fund office and also in the Managing Partner’s home–both located in Southern Fairfield County, CT. Overall, the Managing Partner is seeking someone who feels intense ownership of the people she is supporting–and views herself as a professional who eagerly goes the extra mile.

Children Responsibilities

* Sign children up for extracurricular activities
* Maintain children’s activity calendar in Excel (Fall/Winter/Spring/Summer)
* Assist with car rides for the children
* Schedule medical appointments for the children
* On occasion – run errands pertaining to the children
* Book store
* Pharmacy
* Clothing Stores
* Party Supply Stores
* Organize and execute Birthday Parties for the children
* Develop theme
* Order the cake (make sure it is peanut/nut free)
* Determine food options (make sure completely peanut/nut free)
* Decorate
* Actively participate during the party
* Work one on one with Recruiters to hire nannies, tutors and instructors
* Fill out paperwork
* Conduct first round interview
* Keep a binder (of all resumes viewed)
* Determine if the family should meet with the candidate

[Woman@Work via Gawker]


  1. Noah Slater says:

    Very funny indeed.
    The best bit was the child schedule, using Excel no less.
    Sounds like the only thing missing is the strategic planning and execution of synergistic activities pertaining to the creation of additional children.

  2. Synergistic activities for the creation of additional children is probably the ultimate in scheduling exercise if the advertiser is really as busy as he wishes us to believe. God help him, but mostly his children..