Paul Kedrosky: Accounting & Vogon Poetry

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May 5, 2005

Accounting & Vogon Poetry

Vogon poetry is of course, the third worst in the universe. The second worst is that of the Asgoths of Crea. During a recitation by their poetmaster Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in my Armpit One Midsummer Morning" four of his audience died of internal haemorrhaging and the president of the mid-galactic Arts Knobbling Council survived only by gnawing one of his own legs off. Grunthos was reported to have been "disappointed" by the poem's reception, and was about to embark on a reading of his 12-book epic entitled "My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles" when his own major intestine, in a desperate attempt to save humanity, leapt straight up through his neck and throttled his brain. The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator, Paul Neil Milne Johnstone of Redbridge, in the destruction of the planet Earth. Vogon poetry is mild by comparison.
-- Source: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

I disagree with the Guide. Vogon poetry is only fourth-worst in the universe-- third-worst is the poetry that runs in the journal Critical Perspectives on Accounting:

A Lament for Arthur Andersen & Company
There is no joy in Accountingville tonight;
The mighty Arthur Andersen has shredded out;
Certainly for the last few years things were not right;
But Enron changed a significant decline into a rout.

It is time that we begin to wail a huge lament;
For Arthur Andersen perhaps once the most ethical of the Eight;
Why? How? And When? Did misfortune AA wrent;
Can anything and anyone be saved or is it too Late?

Old AA has ten of the members of the Accounting Hall of Fame;
Yes, Virginia there is not only Jolly Saint Nick;
There are truly heroes of that Old Accounting Game;
That helped our profession and economy to Tick Tick Tick.